“it’s okay to not be okay.” – exhale by plumb
i first heard this song as it blasted through my headphones on one of my “forced” long runs. yes, forced. there was time i would run every day, whenever i had the time.
that season has come & possibly gone.
with the addition of a night job to my life schedule (circa october 2014) & the addition of the love of my life (circa december 2014), my
free time alone time has dramatically decreased.
this is no ones fault. it’s a season. we hear the “season” talk every other day it seems. i like to say “it’s just a season” or “this season will pass” or “thank the good lord above that THAT season is locked in the pretend-it-never-happened-closet.”
so i’m in a season of overdrive. this is not the season where i flourish – but rather – i just barely make it. i go from thing to thing, day to day, & just do.
& just for the record – – i’m not a do-er. i’m a feel-er. i like to FEEL. i like to be “all-in” with everything i do – but during this season – i’m just getting things done. the faster i can get to the place of netflix & couch & ice cream & sleep, the better.
so during that long run – i heard this beautiful song whispering in my ear to “exhale.”
“don’t be afraid. don’t be ashamed.”
i needed to hear that. i feel like that’s the kinda daily reminder that is kinda obvious. it does no harm to hear that kinda thing on repeat, right?
but seriously – i did feel afraid. i felt afraid that i was failing. as an employee, as a friend, as a daughter, as a sister, as a girlfriend. as a human. the fear of failure can cripple the kinda girl who loves attention & loves affirmation & loves feeling accomplished.
i’m that kinda girl. can i get an amen?
& then there’s the “don’t be ashamed.” that easy peasy reminder that “you are a daughter of the King – what in the world do YOU have to be ashamed of?!”
well – here’s the real conversation happening in my head: how can you NOT feel ashamed? you’re doing nothing. you’re just do-ing. that’s shameful, right?
no. of course not.
but i was believing the lie.
up until the point where i spilled my guts to the lord.
i said: i hated this season. he said – treasure it.
i said: but remember last year? remember how happy & how successful & how accomplished i felt?
he said – treasure today.
i said: but bring me back to where i was.
he said – treasure Me.
i said: lord, you just don’t get it.
he said – treasure yourself.
it was hard. it’s still hard.
i caught myself remembering & longing for what was instead of focusing on the blessing of now.
each season has its winds, its waves, its growth & its death. each season deserves pruning & planting & patience.
if you’re struggling in a season that you just wish would pass, i’m with ya. but let’s focus on the treasure. has there ever been a season God hasn’t been aware? does he not use every season to bring his name glory? does each season not bring change & new beauty?
i pray that we exhale – we remember – & we treasure.
but let’s not leave it at that. let’s continue to be honest. bc “it’s okay to not be okay.” & my season of “not okay” might be at a different time then your “not okay” season. we don’t have to pretend. we can support each other & break-free from the “everything is okay.” we can scream “it sucks” bc that’s what heals.
let’s love this conversation & this reality enough that we don’t just leave it. let’s for real treasure it, together.