Alicia Cardwell

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our wedding

we became the cardwells on november 1, 2015. we were engaged for 64 days! loving married life!

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another day, another trip to the sprayground. it’s such a nice easy way to cool off this pregnant mama and distract this teething toddler. Stone loved it and a sweet girl befriended him and these are just some sweet sweet times!

TOPIC: FEAR SOURCE: HAVING A DAUGHTER in therapy, i’m learning to focus on me, my husband, my son, and this baby girl; above all other things. it’s really, really hard for me because i say yes to everything (due to FOMO) and i NEED to please, even when i sacrifice my own sanity and peace in the process. so suffice to say, over the last couple of months, my sessions have been filled with me complaining about people and how things could/should be different. so to turn the focus back to me, my therapist led me down a new road. it was on the topic of my fear of having a daughter. i had shared this with her before but i typically would just start crying and i was never really able to articulate what i was feeling. from the moment we found out about baby girl, i’ve gone down exciting roads and some very dark scary roads. the excitement and fear were both real and so confusing to feel at the same time. although, admittedly, fear was definitely the front runner. what if i repeat everything i’ve experienced in my own mother-daughter relationship? i think it’s impossible to separate ourselves from our parents and when we become a parent ourselves, these thoughts can flood our minds. what do i want to pass on? what do i never want for my kids? and then it hit me. i’ve been so focused on what was lacking and the weaknesses of my own experience growing up, that i was missing what has been given to me. my mom had her own fears about having a daughter and i know she vowed to do things differently than what she experienced. and she did. i had been missing that. i literally starting listing off the things my mom did differently from the way she was raised and my fears started to lift. i was so grateful. i felt more connected to her in that moment than i have in years. even though we fail as parents sometimes, we’d be hard-pressed to find a parent who doesn’t want/try to get it right most of the time. when i allow myself to let go of my fear, extend grace, i think i will feel less heavy by the weight of being perfect for this little girl. i’m still working on it, but i wanted to share a little bit of the process.💗

my wild child LOVED running through the maze today🌻

wild & sweet. that’s Stone Levi.

28 weeks. Third trimester. To my sweet baby girl. I feel you wiggle and kick and dance all day long. I love how much you want to be known and loved, even in the womb. I pray you always know how much we love you but even more how much God loves you. He knit you together and He knows exactly what you need. I can’t wait to hold you and know you even more.

comfortable; familiar; like coming home. that’s what 25+ years of friendship feels like. two of the smartest, most ambitious mamas i know. 5 kids between us (plus baby girl on the way) and so so so much life and love.

Recent Posts

28 weeks.
date night // just me + husband
family road trip // day in the life vlog
pregnancy update // 26 weeks
family day vlog // Memorial Day weekend

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